Source: Irish Wedding Blog
Over the years of wedding seasons, I’ve watched couples go from one extreme to the next when it comes to outdoing each other with their weddings. Destination weddings, multiple hens’ parties and choreographed performances have been part of the celebrations I’ve been to for what is a day celebrating the union of two people in love. Thankfully, 2017 is a quiet year for me and weddings, so I’m shocked to read that pre-wedding prep is being taken to a whole new level.
New York Post writer Lauren Steussy published an article last month detailing the lengths that brides-to-be will put on their bridal party for the big day. The focus of her article is New York brides and the demands they put on their bride tribe, and there seems to be an increased focus on health, fitness and beauty – surprise, surprise!
Hen’s parties are swapping their topless waiters and tequila shots for juice cleanses, yoga retreats and early morning hikes. Workouts involve strict fitness regimes involving group and individual PT sessions, as well as yoga and dance parties (to mix things up, of course!). Tanning means that certain swimwear styles are off limits to avoid visible tan lines. It’s all becoming a bit much for my liking.
It appears, to no one’s amazement, that social media is putting pressure on everyone to look good for the big day. With photos instantaneously being posted by guests, photographers and the couple themselves, brides are putting their gal pals through the ringer in order to represent the couple and their picturesque day – no doubt, whilst wearing a dress they don’t like.
“I need everyone on board…I want my guests to invest in their appearances, feel pretty, go buy the dress of their dreams and feel confident in themselves. I want everyone to feel and look beautiful.” Bride-to-be Ashley Barton.
It’s gone so far as to report that New York plastic surgeon Norman Rowe has seen an influx of bride tribes coming in for group Botox and fillers. One bridezilla went so far as to ask one of her bridesmaids to have an earlobe procedure, so that all her maids could wear matching earrings.
“It’s the bride’s day, and she wants not only the day to be perfect, the weather to be perfect, the dress to be perfect — she wants her bridal party to be perfect because it’s a reflection of her” says Rowe.
In 2013, media website Gawker released the controversial email thread of a nameless bridezilla (referring to herself as “Queen Bee”) and the demands for her big day. They included weigh ins, strict bed times, seeking permission to get haircuts, pre-wedding uniforms, and a ban on any visible tattoos until after the wedding day. The bride followed up her email with up to date violations of each of the bridesmaids, including poor Chelsea who was banished from her role due to going against the brides wishes and getting a haircut.
I simply just don’t get it. I’d like to think that if the day comes for me that I would not engage in such behaviour, but I’ve seen a few rational women in my time turn into the beast that is bridezilla.
I guess my question is, what is driving these girls to put so much pressure on their friends? How far is too far when the bride-to-be is asking you to dye your hair a certain colour, engage in a meal program and provide your daily calorie intake to the rest of the squad? When did we start implementing such high expectations on our friends?
Have your say.
My 86 year old mother told me yesterday she was not chosen to be a bridesmaid by a very close friend, to her dismay, because she was the wrong colouring and body shape. This was in the 1950s. Perhaps many women feel they have so few options for ‘control’ that their wedding is one project they can run completely as they see fit. Add in the cultural expectations and all those bridal magazines and blogs and it’s little wonder some fall victim to pressure for perfection. The notion of a bridezilla is problematic, always felt it’s patronising and diminished women who want to run things their way. A bit of compassion for women struggling under the wedding burden wouldn’t go astray.