Mental illnesses affect most adolescents and children- either directly or indirectly through their peers, friends or family. With one in four Australians aged 16-24 living with a mental illness, and one in three experiencing moderate to high levels of psychological distress, it is becoming an increasingly important topic in our society (www.exploringteens.com.au). Mental illness is very common for children and adolescents, with half of all manifestations before age 14. If your child it suffering from a mental illness, it can be tricky to know what best to do. How you approach the issue depends on them and the specific illness they are suffering from. However, there are a few universal tips which Dr Anne Honey has identified as part of her research, when interviewing children and adolescents who had experienced mental illness.
- Interact positively – Adolescents find it most helpful when parents adapt their parenting style by responding to a new situation with a new approach. The most effective approaches tend to be when parents make a considerable effort to adjust their relationship and become more sympathetic to their child’s needs, tolerant, warm and less argumentative. Dr Honey’s research demonstrates that adolescents appreciate it when their parents remain calm, supportive, confident and optimistic in the face of the mental illness, for example pointing out their child’s progress and achievements as opposed to arguing with the child about a lack of progress. The least effective approach is when a parent’s response includes anger, desperation or frustration at the expectation of a ‘quick fix’. When dealing with a child with mental illness it is important to focus on the individual themselves, rather than getting too caught up in your own personal reactions.
- Exhibit concern and commitment – One of the best ways that parents can support their children is to show them that they are concerned and committed to helping them recover. There are many ways for you to do this as a parent, such as asking your child about their experiences or spending extra time with them. It is very important for your child to view you as a reliable and steady source of support. Of course, facilitating access to treatment is paramount and demonstrates concern and commitment.
- Listen – While it may seem obvious, listening to and communicating effectively with your child is vital. Adolescents who feel more comfortable communicating with their parents about ‘the deeper things’ said that listening helped. Sometimes your children may not understand or be able to effectively express what they are feeling or thinking. In these instances it is best for you to remain patient, continue to support them and in some instances seek the help of a professional to help them learn how to effectively express themselves. In other instances, some children avoid talking to their parents, perhaps because of fear of their response or because they simply don’t want too. If this is the case, it is best to encourage your child to communicate, whether to you or another supportive individual. However try not to push them into talking, as communication is most effective when both parties are willing and cooperative.
- Get additional support – For most adolescents and particularly children, parents are often the driving force behind seeking professional help. While your child may not see the benefit of professional treatment at the moment, they will likely appreciate it in the future, and grow to see the benefits of treatment. Adolescents find this most helpful when they think their parents are ‘on their side’. This can be achieved quite simply by (in consultation with your child) explaining to other family members, schools and health professional the current situation and encouraging them to be supportive.
- Help them to do ‘the right thing’ – Parents often discuss things that are good for mental health with their kids. However there is a difference between saying and doing. When parents actively encourage and facilitate activities such as following a treatment plan and participating in everyday activities, by providing funding and transport it is much more effective. Strategies such as giving advice, keeping an eye on your child, and driving and supporting them at appointments are some of the most beneficial, practical ways you can support youc child. However, there is a fine line between gentle and helpful persuasion and nagging. In saying this, some adolescents in Dr Honey’s research did see the benefit in retrospect when their parents restricted their choice and asserted their authority.
When supporting your child, it best to use the above tips as a guide or framework. Every child and every mental illness is different. An approach which works for one child may not work for another. Therefore, it is best to take these tips into consideration and tailor them towards your own child, family and situation. BodyMatters has numerous resources that can assist you further if your child is suffering from an eating disorder, including one on calm parenting.
We’ve also listed a few links below which can help you better understand how to further support your child.
– http://www.headspace.org.au/parents-and-carers
This article has been inspired by & adapted from Australia’s Magazine for Parents of Adolescents Exploring Teens, June/July 2015, Issue 4. Available at www.exploringteens.com.au
